2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is
his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2
“The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” (James 3:17 NIV)
Being considerate is the antidote to the two most common mistakes that we make in relationships.
The first mistake we make is reacting to what people say while ignoring how people feel. We pay too much attention to someone’s words and not enough attention to his or her emotions. The words don’t really matter. People say stuff when they’re angry that they don’t even mean. They use words they don’t even intend to use. They exaggerate things. But you need to look behind the words at the emotion, because that’s what it is. People don’t always say what they mean, but they always feel what they feel.
So if you are wise in a relationship, you stop focusing on what your kids or your boyfriend or your husband or your wife or your boss says that just ticks you off, and you start being considerate. That simply means you are mindful of the feelings of others. Unkind people are those who need your kindness the most. When people are rude and unkind, they are screaming to the world, “I’m in pain!” Hurt people always hurt people.
The other mistake we make in relationships is invalidating any feelings that we don’t feel ourselves.
This is when you believe something is dumb or irrational or illogical because it’s not what you feel, and you dismiss it. But can someone be cold and somebody else be warm at the same time? Yes. So why are you arguing about it?
When we invalidate other people’s feelings because we don’t feel it, we minimize that person. Guys, if your girlfriend or your wife says to you, “I feel ugly,” don’t dismiss it and say, “You’re not ugly!” That doesn’t help at all. What you need to do is say, “Why would you feel that? What would make you say that?” because you need to look beyond the words and get to the real issue.
Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They’re just there. If someone feels something, she shouldn’t have to defend it. She just needs you to say, “I hear you.”
The Bible says, “The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17 NIV).
With Heaven’s wisdom, you’ll stop minimizing other people’s feelings. You’ll let the other person feel what they feel without minimizing it. You will let him feel tired when he’s tired and not try to talk him out of it. You will let her feel depressed when she’s depressed and not try to talk her out of it. Wise people are considerate of other people’s feelings.
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“Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them.” (Proverbs 20:3 TEV)
Wise people are peacemakers, not troublemakers. Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder. They are not always looking for a fight, and they don’t intentionally antagonize other people.
The fact is, if you’re around anybody for any length of time, you figure out what irritates him or her, and you file that information in the back of your mind as a tool to use when you get in an argument. It’s a weapon of mass destruction! When you get in an argument, and that person says something that hurts, offends, or slights you in any way, then you pull out the big gun. You push his hot button. And it works every time!
You know what the Bible calls that? Stupid! You’re not getting any closer to the resolution. You’re not helping the relationship. In fact, you’re hurting it. It is not wise.
Proverbs 20:3 says this, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (TEV).
We all use tools, tricks of the trade, and skills in relationships that are actually counter productive. They’re hurtful, they’re harmful, and they don’t get you what you want out of relationships. In fact, they get you the exact opposite behavior. But when we lack wisdom, we use them anyway.
There are many of these tools, but here are just a few:
Proverbs 14:29 says, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (LB). Have you ever said or done anything stupid out of anger? Yes. Because when you get angry, your intelligence goes out the window. When you get angry, you say and do stupid things that are actually self-defeating.
Did you ever think about the fact that there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When you get angry, you are in dangerous territory. You are about to hurt others — and yourself — with your own anger.
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New Times and Seasons
Today's Scripture:
" He changes times and seasons..."(Daniel 2:21, NIV).
Today's Word:
God is always looking to take us to higher levels. He wants us to grow and increase in every area. Change is often a catalyst for growth in our lives, and it keeps up from getting stuck in a rut. To help keep us on our path toward our destiny, God will supernaturally open and close doors of opportunity. He will 'stir us' out of comfortable situations and stretch us because He loves us too much to allow us to live in mediocrity.
Do you know how an eaglet learns to fly? That mother eagle will take her eaglet to the very highest point—way out of its comfort zone—and then she just releases it. As the eaglet falls, the mother swoops down and picks it back up again. She does this over and over until the eaglet spreads its wings and soars through the air.
That's what God wants for you today. He wants you to soar in life! You might feel like that eaglet learning to fly, but know that God is right there with you! He is bringing you new times and seasons so that you will rise higher and embrace the very best He has in store for you.
Prayer for Today:
Dear God, today I open my heart and mind to receive all that You have for me. I trust that You are with me directing my every step. I embrace Your seasons of change and thank You for helping me grow and increase in every area. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
***
by Rick Warren
“Encourage one another and help one another.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 TEV)
The Bible tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Encourage one another and help one another” (TEV). You are to build up, motivate, and inspire other people. How do you do that? You can do it three ways: You can give people hope, you can help people overcome their fears, and you can help people break down barriers.
First, you need to give people hope. You show that you’ve been through the same thing, and you reassure them that they’ll be able to get through it, too. You show through your story that it can be done.
When you share your experiences with other people, you help take away their fears. It’s kind of like riding a roller coaster. When you go to Six Flags and you’ve never been on one of those huge roller coasters, you’re kind of thinking, “Is this a smart decision?” Then, the person in front of you turns around and says, “This is a great ride. I’ve been on it five times.” So you’re thinking, “OK, I’m going to live. They’ve done it five times. It’s got to be OK.” Having someone share with you who’s already gone through it is an inspiration. It’s motivational.
How many first-time mothers feel scared to death, unprepared, and inadequate? All of them! How grateful they are for somebody who comes along and says, “Babies cry. It’s OK. It’s OK to let them cry. This is normal.” The fears that they’re experiencing don’t seem so daunting when others share with them their experiences and how they came through them. It gives them hope!
You also help people break through barriers when you motivate them with your own experience. Roger Bannister was the first guy to run a four-minute mile. At the time, everybody said it was an impossible barrier. Yet within about a year after Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile, a dozen other guys had done it. All of a sudden, people realized it wasn’t impossible, and it gave them hope that they could do it, too.
You have experiences in your life that could be barrier busting, inspirational, and motivational to other people — if you’re willing to share them. The most powerful way to say anything is the most personal way to say it.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4:6, “For your sake, my friends, I have applied all this to Apollos and me, using the two of us as an example, so that you may learn.”
Whenever I teach a series on marriage, I always go back and talk about the marriage problems Kay and I have had. Why? Because it has the credibility of reality and people can go, “They don’t have a perfect marriage, and we don’t, either. But they’ve lasted nearly 40 years. Maybe we can, too.” Perfection never helps anybody — except when it’s Jesus.
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