10 qualities of a great marriage partner

After reading the 10 qualities of a great marriage partner, I came across with the 6 qualities of a good partner. The article somehow explains why married couples turn from a good partner to a great one! =)

                                                                                             Meg

Six qualities of a good partner

by festo1261

 

Nobody ever wants to end up alone. We all want somebody who loves us and who we can love in return. Someone who will make us feel good about ourselves, one who appreciates us the way we are. It could be a good friend, and most of us are never short of at least one. But there comes a time when we want someone who is more than a friend.  Someone we can share our most intimate feelings with, someone we can raise a family with.

 

We are different, so we will always fall in love with different people. You may have fallen for your boyfriend because he made you laugh from day one. You have been together three years and he is still capable of making you laugh. The guy has a sense of hum our okay. You tell yourself that you would want this laughter for the rest of your life

 

Your best friend’s brother is head over heels with a girl whose enthusiasm for sports matches his. “I took Ann along when we went with my buddies to watch that football match at the stadium last week and we had a ball. You should have seen how she cheered when my favourite team scored, she is the girl for me,” he was heard proclaiming. But should these be the ways of determining who you want for a life-long partner? There will come a time when you will have to come to terms with the character of the person who you now think is fabulous. These are the kinds of mistakes that men and women make when it comes to choosing a partner- concentrating on personality traits when they should be looking for character traits.

 

According to the book, ‘Are You The One For Me?’ by recognized expert on human relations, Barbara De Angelis, most people fall in love for the wrong reasons, choosing partners based on one or two appealing things rather than looking at the whole person and therefore ignoring the fatal flaws.

 

“Most of us are initially attracted to a partner because of something about their personality – his ability to make you laugh, her softness or his interest in cycling,” she says.

 

She adds that though these traits could be enjoyable, they are not what are going to determine whether a relationship will make you happy. You have to look for character because that is what determines how a person will treat himself; you; and one day, your children. It is the foundation of any relationship. She gives six qualities to look for in a partner.

 

Commitment to personal growth

If you find a person committed to personal growth, you will have avoided many problems that couples face. Commitment to personal growth means that your partner is committed to learning about how to be a better person and a better spouse as well as seeking help when it is necessary.

 

Emotional Openness

An intimate relationship is not based on sharing a home, a bed or a bathroom. It is based on sharing feelings. It means that your partner cannot identify and share his feelings with you and knows how to express those feelings to you. If your partner cannot identify and share his feelings with you, he is not ready to be in an intimate relationship. Emotional openness is emotional generosity. Giving freely, abundantly, and without restriction. This means that a partner who tells you how much he appreciates you is emotionally open. You deserve to have someone in your life who shows you his love and appreciation on a constant basis.

 

Integrity 

Honesty, integrity, and trustworthiness are essential ingredients for a healthy relationship. Knowing that you can count on your partner to be faithful with you at all times will give you a tremendous sense of security. On the other hand, if you live in constant fear that your partner is somehow lying to you, it will be next to impossible to relax in the relationship. You will be tense, doubting, and resentful. The long-terms effects of loving someone you do not trust are devastating both to your self-esteem and your love affair. Not telling the truth is the most significant ways couples kill passion and destroy their intimacy.

 

Maturity and responsibility

There are people who are just not ready to be in a committed relationship. They may be very lovable and they may love you very much. But if they have not reached a certain level of maturity, you will feel like you have adopted a child rather than found a partner. Your partner is mature enough to want a relationship if he or she can take care of himself or herself. He will be able to earn enough money to support himself, know how to keep his living space relatively clean and know how to feed himself.

 

If a person can hardly take care of himself, or just learning how to, then he is not ready for the responsibility of a partnership let alone raising a family.

 

Responsibility means doing what you say you are going to do e.g. paying up the bills, showing up on time, and not letting people down. When you find a partner who is responsible, you have, in a sense, stumbled upon a child in an adult’s body. Lovable, perhaps even sympathetic, but certainly not ready for an adult relationship.

 

High self-esteem

Your partner can only love you as much as he loves himself. One of the biggest mistakes we make in choosing partners is focusing on how much our partner loves and treats us, but not how he treats himself. A person with low self-esteem loves in order to feel good about herself. A person with high self-esteem loves because she feels good about herself. The healthier your partner’s sense of self-esteem, the stronger your relationship will be.

 

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After encouraging my readers to more actively consider marriage in yesterday's blog, I thought a good follow-up blog might be in order. This article by Suzanne Hadley on the Boundless.org web site was as good as I've seen. I shortened it somewhat.

I informally interviewed a dozen married couples to find out what drew them to their spouses and what made them stick around. These 10 characteristics rose to the top.

 

1. Contentment. When Nathan met Kelsey, he noticed her beautiful smile and the fact that she was satisfied with her life. "She wasn't desperate to get married," he says. "Kelsey had two plans for life: one that included a spouse and one that did not. That told me that she was content with whatever God brought her way."

2. Initiative. Josh found many things to love about Danielle, including her stunning auburn locks, but the thing that most caught his attention was that she was living her life with purpose. She had graduated from college and was succeeding in her career as an exhibition design assistant at a big city art museum.

"Some girls I knew were sitting around waiting for this wealthy, good-looking man to take care of them," Josh says. "Danielle was living life to the fullest and that attracted me to her.

3. Kindness. Johanna was first attracted to Paul because of the friendliness and kindness he showed to everyone, not just her. "And I thought he was a hottie," she adds. After they were married, Johanna discovered that Paul's kind heart extended to financial generosity as well. "He gives way more than the standard," she says.

4. Consistency. Kelsey knew she wanted to marry Nathan when she was grocery shopping with him for a dorm section event in college. They weren't even dating. "I thought to myself, I could shop with Nathan for the rest of my life!" Kelsey knew Nathan for two years before they began dating. "He was consistent," she says. "He was the same person no matter who he was around or what situation he was in."

5. Optimism. Gavin and Jamie met while working together at the same church. "I guess it was natural I would take a second glance at someone who was my age, cute and single," Gavin says.

But once they began dating, he discovered something else. "She'd lived through some rough times growing up (like me). Yet somehow, she'd come out on the other side with a remarkably positive attitude about life and an unshakable faith."

6. Commitment. When Josh began attending Lindy's church and quickly committed himself to the worship and leadership teams, Lindy was impressed. It was also a "happy coincidence" because she was on the same teams, which meant they got to see each other three times a week. Josh demonstrated the same kind of dedication as he pursued Lindy for marriage. "He's a man of integrity who knows how to make a commitment," she says.

7. Spiritual Passion. Krista believes God told her to marry her husband, Craig. "I quite willingly agreed!" she says. "When I was growing up, my mom told me to pray for a husband who is passionate about God. I did, and I got him! I am able to respect Craig because he listens to God and obeys His voice."

8. Humility. Christine met her husband, Mike, via their blogs, and eventually moved to Australia to marry him. Among his many good qualities, Christine says of Mike: "He is open about his flaws and sincerely repents of his wrongs. I can see his tender heart constantly being shaped by the Holy Spirit to become more like Christ."

Josh's humility "really got my attention," Danielle says. "I'd been around a lot of men who were full of pride, who never gave heartfelt apologies or thought they were wrong. Josh had a humble spirit, and I really loved that about him." She's discovered that this humility also allows Josh to be a good leader of their home.

9. Faith. Shy and reserved, Sarah might have never talked to Andrew if he hadn't sat by her at a college ice cream social and struck up a conversation. But as she got to know him, she noticed his deep trust in the Lord. "I knew Andrew would make a good spouse because of his commitment to being a godly man and the way he trusted the Lord for all of his needs. That was a trust that I saw the Lord rewarding time and again as He provided exactly what we needed at the moment."

10. Perseverance. Rebecca and her husband, Kade, had a long, difficult engagement. "I experienced so much grace, love and truth-telling," Rebecca says. "I felt completely valued and loved in a way I never had before, and I saw Kade persevere in the challenge of relating to my parents, who didn't like him."

Each of the above 10 characteristics was mentioned again and again - by people who know. This list is certainly not comprehensive, but based on the fact that most of the couples interviewed have been married for between five and 10 years, these qualities seem to be good indicators not only of "mate" potential but of success in married life.