Thursday, 24 April 2014
5 ways to build character in your sons =)
5 ways to build character in your sons
The world needs men of good character. Parents and others in positions of authority have a powerful influence in helping boys develop these characteristics.
- We’ve all heard the statement “boys will be boys." It's often used as an excuse for bad behavior. There is no question that boys are, generally speaking, rough and tumble beings; ready to conquer the world. They want to be tough, even if they’re not. They want to appear macho to their peers. That’s normal for a guy. Because of this inner need to be strong and fearless they can find themselves in compromising situations just to prove the fact. Sometimes it means taking a dare, even if it’s a stupid dare — and most dares are — to prove their manhood. Somewhere along the way parents and teachers hope these young men will get the picture, wake up and start thinking more about what’s right than what’s popular.
High school coach takes a stand
Recently it was reported that an entire football team was given a chance to start doing a little of this kind of thinking. Union High School football coach, Matt Labrum in Roosevelt, Utah, suspended his entire team because of inappropriate behavior. The players were stunned.
After learning about the unprecedented disciplinary action of Coach Labrum, a mother posted the news article about this incident and made this comment: “Awesome!!! What a great coach we have here in Roosevelt!” Within 24 hours, the whole nation knew what had happened. Praise came in from all around the country in support of someone who was willing to put character-building above winning games.
What had these boys done that warranted this action? Besides cyber bullying a fellow student, they were failing and skipping classes and showing disrespect to teachers; all unacceptable behavior. Here is the news report.
Coach Labrum met with the team and taught them some serious lessons in character. “We looked at it as a chance to say ‘Hey, we need to focus on some other things that are more important than winning a football game,'” Labrum said. “We got an emotional response from the boys. I think it really meant something to them, which was nice to see that it does mean something. There was none of them that fought us on it.”
A week later the news reported a favorable response from the boys. All who complied are now ready to enter battle on the playing field again. But this time with a clearer understanding of what it takes to win in the battles they will face in life; battles that will require character to succeed.
5 things parents can do to build character in their sons
1. Give them guidelines
How can young men develop good character traits if they don’t know what they are? Define what character means. You’ll find most dictionaries say character is the combination of qualities or features that distinguish one person, group, or thing from another. Ask your boys what kind of person they want to be known as. What is it that defines their character? One way to help them think seriously about this is to ask, if they were to die tomorrow what they would hope someone would say about them at their funeral? That will put it in a here-and-now perspective. Most everyone wants to be remembered for being a good person. Have them list the traits they would want mentioned that define their character.
2. Support others who are trying to help your sons build good character traits
If there are leaders in your sons’ lives who are not doing this, but are letting them and their peers get away with things that are detrimental, go have a serious talk with these people. Let them know what you expect from their leadership. On the other hand, when leaders and teachers discipline your child for misbehavior, don’t go against them. You can give your son loving support as these disciplinary actions are taken, but do not excuse your son. If you do, you will be denying him a valuable opportunity to grow.
3. Praise your son when he does something that shows his good character
Let him know that it takes courage to do what is right. If he’s done something wrong and wants to make it right, praise him for that. Don’t let him off the hook, but rather stand by him as he makes it right.
Family therapist Jonathan Decker said, “When males confess a mistake or apologize for wrongdoing, they’re being vulnerable with you, which is probably a huge risk for them (remember, many have been socialized to believe, on some level, that vulnerability pushes people away.) Reinforce their honesty and responsibility-taking by openly recognizing the courage it took to tell the truth and by letting them know how much it means to you that they’re taking ownership of their actions.” (Meridian Magazine, Sept. 27, 2013)
4. Let your sons know how much you love them
They never outgrow the need to hear the words “I love you, son” no matter how macho they may try to appear. Along with the words, they need our patience and consistency. They need to know we have confidence in them, in spite of their imperfections.
5. Be their example
As your sons watch you, they will learn what being a person of character means. Author Wilferd A. Peterson hit the target when he said, "Our children are watching us live, and what we ARE shouts louder than anything we can say."
The future is depending on this generation of young men (and women.) Think of the good that can happen if young men are brought up and encouraged to be noble, courageous, honest, dependable, and caring. We can make a difference with every boy we help in developing these character traits.
Standing tall =)
Standing tall: Raising kids with courage to have character
Character is on the decline in today's world. How can we teach the rising generation to stand up for what they believe?
- My husband and I had the privilege of serving in the US Army for a joint 14 years. During that time, we knew many people of good character. Men and women who did the right thing, even when people screamed they were wrong and even if it meant great danger. Who knelt to pray without shame. Who would gladly lay down their lives for a stranger. Men and women who we were proud to serve alongside and privileged to know. I sincerely hope my children will have the same character as these men and women.
Courage is needed, even if no one is looking
Good character comes with sincere courage and the strength to stand amid the tide of opposition and do what is right. Thomas S. Monson, a teacher and religious leader, explains to us, "We live in a world where moral values have, in great measure, been tossed aside. Where sin is flagrantly on display. In order to make correct decisions courage is needed... the courage to do the right thing because it's right... will we have [this] courage?"
Our children face great challenges today. As parents we cultivate character in our children without even knowing it. Good character requires knowledge and a belief of values. In their book, "Teaching your Children Values," authors and parenting experts, Linda and Richard Eyre, give us this advice, "One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a strong sense of personal values. Helping your children develop values... is as important a part of their education as teaching them to read or how to cross the street safely. The values you teach your children are their best protection from the influences of peer pressure and the temptations of consumer culture."
The atmosphere we are in has a great impact on who we are
Teaching your child the importance of being the same person at school as they are at home can seem daunting. Help your child understand courage is not loud. It is as simple as leaving a friend's house when he feels uncomfortable with the situation. Monson gave us this advice: "If you ever find yourself where you shouldn't ought to be, get out." What parent wouldn't love to hang this off the end of her child's baseball cap so he can read it all the time.
I have a child that is very shy. If he needs to speak to a stranger he will quietly say, "I can't, I'm not courage enough." I assure him being shy is OK and has nothing to do with being courageous. I hope the love he feels from me will further his courage to do the right thing. Teaching courage and character is worth the work.
Courage comes in many forms
Teaching our children, by example, to do the right thing when faced with the loss of popularity or friends can seem impossible. My son, Mark, taught me this in the second grade.
He was just 8 years old when his principal called me into the school office. The principal explained that something had happened on the playground and the boys had conflicting stories. Because of the situation we would need to take our boys to the police station for statements. As a mother, I was terrified, and I wanted to know the truth. But something inside of me, I can only describe as a prompting from God, told me to wait silently until he spoke. We drove in silence to the station down the street, my heart aching for him.
I watched as each boy told their story, individually, their parents prompting them to elaborate. Each story became more wild and outrageous. When it was my son's turn he stood up, he had always been a truthful boy, and very timid. My heart broke for him as all his friends prompted him to confirm their stories.
He looked at the police chief and said, "That is not what happened, here is the real story." I knew what he said was the truth, and the police agreed with his story. Though he faced ridicule from the other boys, he had done the right thing. I gave him a hug and told him how proud I was of his good character.
Monson explains, "Not all acts of courage bring [...] spectacular or immediate results. And yet, all of them do bring peace of mind and a knowledge that right and truth have been defended. It is impossible to stand upright when one plants his roots in the shifting sands of popular opinion and approval."
Persistence is a must when teaching children this important lesson
Small lessons in character throughout the day will yield greater results. Encouraging them when they show courage is as important as helping them understand their guilt when they make the wrong choice. Show them, through example, the courage to fix their mistakes.
Monson gives parents everywhere great advice. Think about the example you are to your children. He asks,
"Are you the same person wherever you are? And whatever you are doing? [...] The person you know you should be? [...] We will all face fear, experience ridicule, and meet opposition. Let us, all of us, have the courage to defy the consensus. The courage to stand for principle. Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God's approval."
Are you that courageous? Do you have the courage to teach your children character? Imagine the results if all our children were to stand in the face of opposition, no matter the cost. Imagine if they stand for what is right, shoulder to shoulder. What a change the world would experience. Let's be that change. Here are some ways to build character in your sons.
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