How Gentleness Calms Conflict

CURRENT TEACHING SERIES The Keys to a Blessed Life

How Gentleness Calms Conflict By Rick Warren — Oct 19, 2015 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV) Have you noticed that human beings have a tendency to mimic the emotions of people across from us? The reason we do this is because of mirror neurons in your brain. They allow you to sympathize and also to mirror what other people feel. For instance, if somebody gets angry with you, you get angry back. If somebody is really depressed and you hang around that person long enough, you get depressed. In the same way, when people raise their voice against you, you usually raise your voice back. Then they raise their voice higher. Then you raise your voice higher. Then pretty soon it’s escalated, and your emotions are out of control. The Bible says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV). Let me give you a little tip that will save you a lot of heartache and conflict in your life: When other people raise their voice, lower yours — in your marriage, in your parenting, in your friendships, and at work. That’s called strength under control. Gentleness defuses conflict. It deescalates anger. Here’s a good verse you’re going to need someday — maybe even this week. Ecclesiastes 10:4 says, “If your boss is angry at you, don’t quit! A quiet spirit can overcome even great mistakes” (NLT, second edition). When your boss rips into you or your spouse raises his voice in anger, you need to realize it may not have anything to do with you. Instead of getting defensive, practice gentleness. Let your gentle answer disarm the other person and diffuse the situation. PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >> Talk It Over What is your normal reaction to raised voices, such as when your kids are misbehaving or there is a disagreement with your spouse or partner? Why do you think responding in gentleness rather than anger is so disarming? Why does it get people’s attention? Look for ways to practice gentleness this week. How do people react when you respond to them with gentleness? You may even want to record your efforts and their effect and share it with your small group. Today’s Scripture “How good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity...for there the Lord has commanded the blessing...” (Psalm 133:1–3, KJV) SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS Positioned for Blessing God loves you so much. He longs to bless you in every area of your life. Deuteronomy says that He wants to bless you when you come in, and when you go out. He wants to bless you when you’re in the city, and bless you when you’re in the country. He wants to bless and prosper everything you set your hand to. When you are living in peace and unity with the people in your life, you are positioning yourself for God’s blessing. Living in unity doesn’t mean you always have to agree with everyone. It means that you look for common ground in Christ and refuse to allow strife to enter into your relationships. Today, focus on the things that bring you together. Focus on your faith in God and dependence on His Word. Build one another up and watch how God will pour out His favor and blessing! A Prayer for Today “Father, thank You for Your promise of blessing in my life. I choose Your ways today and ask that You help me live in peace and unity with You and others. Show me Your ways so that I can walk with You always. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”

Persuade With Gentleness

CURRENT TEACHING SERIES The Keys to a Blessed Life

Persuade With Gentleness By Rick Warren — Oct 18, 2015 “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.” (Proverbs 16:21 TEV) Gentleness is persuasive. This is extremely important if you happen to make a career in sales. Why? Because the hard sell no longer works. We no longer respond to a guy yelling at us that he’s got this amazing deal that we can’t live without. These days, we don’t buy because somebody’s giving us a sales pitch. We buy because somebody recommended it. Your friends recommend a certain car, movie, or restaurant, and that’s enough to make you want to try it or even buy it. Why? Because their approach was gentle, with no agenda. It’s far more persuasive. Proverbs 25:15 says, “Gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses” (MSG). Do you want to convince your girlfriend or boyfriend or your spouse to do something? Don’t go with the hard sell. Even when people have their guard up, gentle speech will get their attention, because gentleness breaks down rigid defenses. So if you’re a parent, screaming never works — even with the most stubborn child. Never discipline in anger or frustration. Always discipline in love and with gentleness. The New Century Version translation of Proverbs 25:15 says, “A gentle word can get through to the hard-headed.” If I want to persuade people in my church to live more for Jesus Christ, I must do it in a gentle way. I could stand on stage every weekend and say, “Let me tell you all the things that you’re doing wrong,” but that way of talking just builds emotional barriers. People would probably stop coming to church! It doesn’t work in the pulpit, it doesn’t work in the home, and it doesn’t work with your boss. Nagging never works. But gentleness is persuasive. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:21, “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is” (TEV). This is the mark of maturity. Wise, mature people are pleasant. Fools and idiots are rude. You’re never persuasive when you’re abrasive. PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >> Talk It Over Why does gentleness stand out so much in our society? Think of the way you responded in arguments with siblings or other kids when you were younger. How, if at all, has your response changed as you’ve grown? What are some practical things you can do in the moment when you are disciplining your children that will help you respond with gentleness and not anger? Today’s Scripture “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1, NKJV) SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS No Condemnation Jesus came to break the curse of sin, shame and condemnation in our lives. He came so that we could see things the way God sees them. Do you know how God sees you? He sees you as valuable. He sees you as strong. He sees you as capable, talented and trustworthy. The voice of condemnation says exactly the opposite. Condemnation is a loss of value. It’s the accusing voice of the enemy that says, “You’re not good enough...you’ll never be good enough...you’re a failure.” Condemnation is never from God. The Bible tells us there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. No matter how you may be feeling, wake up every morning and declare that the Greater One lives in you. Declare that you are strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Declare that He loves you and has called you according to His purpose. Choose to see yourself as valuable, the way God sees you. Embrace His truth so that you can overcome condemnation and live in victory all the days of your life! A Prayer for Today “Father, thank You for setting me free from condemnation. Thank You for believing in me and filling me with Your vision for my life. Help me to see myself and others the way You do in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

A Gentle Response Shows Your Love

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CURRENT TEACHING SERIES The Keys to a Blessed Life

A Gentle Response Shows Your Love By Rick Warren — Oct 17, 2015 “Husbands, love your wives and be gentle with them.” (Colossians 3:19 NCV) Gentleness diffuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. And gentleness communicates love. Guys, if you’re married, the quickest way to improve your marriage is to start talking to your wife more gently. It’ll do wonders! Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives and be gentle with them” (NCV). Any fool can be selfish. Any fool can be rough. Any fool can be rude. But gentle men are gentlemen. A great marriage is simply the union of two great forgivers, because you’re going to hurt each other a lot in life. I’ve been married to Kay for nearly 40 years. I’ve hurt her so many times, and she’s hurt me so many times. But we’re both great forgivers. That’s a part of gentleness. Gentleness is not only the key to effective marriage; it’s also the key to effective parenting. Never discipline out of anger or frustration, but always gently and out of love. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger … but rear them tenderly in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord” (AMP). I can honestly say to you that I never remember my father raising his voice against me growing up. Was he ever upset with me? Of course. Did I ever really blow it and give him every reason to be angry? Many, many times. Almost on a daily basis! But he was a gentle man. He had strength under control, and he would not yell at me. He showed me his love through his gentle nature. Let your gentle response do the same in your relationships. PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick>> Talk It Over Make it a point to respond in gentleness to your spouse and children this week. What difference does it make? How does gentleness communicate love to someone? What does it say to that person when you choose to respond gently? Is it important to you to be known as a gentle person? Why or why not? Today’s Scripture “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:27, NIV) SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS Refuse to Worry God doesn’t want you to live worried and anxious about anything. He knows that worry is counterproductive. It steals your peace and joy and affects every area of your life, even your sleep! Have you heard the saying, “Don’t worry yourself sick?” Yes, worrying will actually make you physically ill. You won’t ever gain anything by worrying; in fact, it causes you to lose precious moments that you can never live again. The good news is, God has promised to bring you victory over worry. When you make the choice to put an end to worry, God will give you His peace. Decide today to put an end to worry. Don’t feed worry by focusing on bad news all the time. Sure, we should be informed, but we should be more informed of the truth of the Word of God. Feed your faith and fill your heart and mind with God’s promises. Declare everyday, “My God shall supply all my needs. He makes a way out of no way. He is a Restorer and Redeemer.” As you focus on God’s Word, you’ll drive out worry and fill your heart with faith and expectancy for the future! A Prayer for Today “Father, today I choose to put an end to worry in my life. I choose to feed my faith by studying Your Word. Help me to totally trust in You today and always in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

How God Uses Grief to Help Us Grow

CURRENT TEACHING SERIES The Keys to a Blessed Life

How God Uses Grief to Help Us Grow By Rick Warren — Oct 16, 2015 “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” (Romans 8:28 NIV) Grief, loss, and pain are an inevitable part of life. But did you know that God uses our grief to help us grow? He does it in three ways. First, God uses pain to get our attention. C.S. Lewis wrote, “God whispers to us in our pleasure, but he shouts to us in our pain.” Pain is God’s megaphone. We rarely change when we see the light. We change when we feel the heat. Proverbs 20:30 says, “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways” (TEV). Second, he brings good out of bad. One of the most famous verses in the Bible is Romans 8:28: “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (NIV). When you experience a loss, it’s an opportunity to grow in character. You can’t control the pain you go through, but you can decide whether it’s going to make you bitter or better. You decide whether it’s going to be a stepping stone or a stumbling block. You have to remember that even in your pain, God is working for your good. Third, God prepares us for eternity. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, “These troubles are getting us ready for an eternal glory that will make all our troubles seem like nothing. Things that are seen don’t last forever, but things that are not seen are eternal. That’s why we keep our minds on the things that cannot be seen” (CEV). You’ve probably heard me say before that you’re not taking your car to Heaven. You’re not taking your china or your clothes to Heaven; you’re not taking your career to Heaven. But you are taking your character. You are taking you. God’s more interested in your character development than in your comfort. Why? Because you can get comfortable in Heaven, but this is the get-ready stage. This is the learning stage. This is the warm-up act. Your troubles here on Earth are getting you ready for an eternal glory. That’s a comfort. When you’re in pain, you need to ask, “What is God doing?” Is he trying to get your attention? Is he trying to bring good out of bad? Is he preparing your character for Heaven? PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >> Talk It Over What does it mean that God is working for your good? Does it mean that God only lets good things happen to believers? Why is it sometimes easier to focus on the here-and-now rather than on Heaven? How can you prepare yourself now so that you are ready to hear from God when you are in a time of pain? Today’s Scripture “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...” (1 John 4:18, NIV) SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS Perfect Love The Scripture tells us that God is love. He is perfect and His love for us is perfect. There is nothing you can ever do to make God love you more, and nothing you can do to make Him love you less. His love toward you is steadfast, it’s unchanging. His arms are always stretched out toward you. Sometimes people aren’t sure how God feels about them. They think He might be mad at them, but Scripture tells us just the opposite. God’s not mad at you; He’s madly in love with you! It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or where you’ve come from, God’s arms are open to you. He’s longing to show you His goodness and grace. It’s His kindness that leads us to repent and change our ways. Today, open your heart to receive His perfect love. Let love drive fear out of your life and make you new! A Prayer for Today “Father, I humbly come to You, giving You all that I am. I invite You to fill me with Your perfect love. Drive fear out of me and fill me with Your peace and joy in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Six Ways God Blesses a Broken Heart

CURRENT TEACHING SERIES The Keys to a Blessed Life

Six Ways God Blesses a Broken Heart By Rick Warren — Oct 15, 2015 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed.” (Psalm 34:18 NCV) Every one of us will experience loss in our lives. So how does God heal your broken heart? You don’t get over a loss. You can’t go under it; you can’t go around it. You’ve got to go through the grief. And if you’re scared to express emotion and refuse to go through it, that’s where you get stuck. But how do you get unstuck? You let God help you. There are six ways God blesses a broken heart. God draws you close to himself. Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed” (NCV). When you grieve, you often feel like God is a million miles away. But what you feel and what’s real are not always the same thing. God’s not a million miles away. In fact, he’s never been any closer. God grieves with you. The Bible says, “[Jesus was] a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief” (Isaiah 53:3a NLT, second edition). When you come to Jesus with your grief, he knows what you’re talking about, and he understands your pain. God is a suffering God, and he is a sympathetic God. He’s not aloof; he’s not apathetic. He’s not standing on the sidelines. God gives you a church family for support. We’re meant to grieve in community. Healing comes in groups. Healing comes in the church. Healing comes in community. We’re better together! “In Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others …. Be devoted to each other like a loving family …. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:5, 10, 15 NIV/GW/NIV). God uses grief to help you grow. God uses grief and even pain to help you become more like Christ, and he does it in three ways. God uses pain to get your attention (Proverbs 20:30). Second, he brings good out of bad (Romans 8:28). Third, he prepares you for eternity (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). God gives you the hope of Heaven. There are many people who grieve without hope. Your life on this earth is short, but if you believe in Jesus Christ and trust him for your salvation, then you have the hope of spending eternity in Heaven with God, and that hope will sustain you through your time of loss. The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 4:13, “We don’t want you to be ignorant about those who have died. We don’t want you to grieve like other people who have no hope” (GW). God uses your pain to help others. This is called redemptive pain; it is the highest and best use of the pain you go through. God does not want you to waste a hurt. “God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT, second edition). PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >> Talk It Over Why do you think God allows us to experience grief and loss? How does God want you to minister to others who grieve without hope? What is the deepest pain you have experienced? How can you use that pain to help others? Today’s Scripture “This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24, NKJV) SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS This is the Day Every day that we are given is a precious gift from Almighty God. We should wake up every morning with a grateful attitude, full of faith and expectancy for what the Lord has in store. Sure, you may be facing some challenges in your life, or maybe things aren’t going the way you planned. But remember, each new day is a chance to stand strong in the midst of adversity and see the faithfulness of God. Every new day is an opportunity to praise and thank Him, to magnify your God instead of magnifying your problems. This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it! Be glad that God has promised to never leave you or forsake you. Be glad that God has given you a sound, healthy mind. Rejoice that He is making a way where there seems to be no way! Focus on the gift of each and every day and rejoice in what God has done in your life! A Prayer for Today “Father, today I choose to rejoice in You. Thank You for this day and for every opportunity that You’ve given me to praise You and be a blessing to others. I give You everything I am today and always in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Grief Is a Healthy, Helpful Choice

CURRENT TEACHING SERIES The Keys to a Blessed Life

Grief Is a Healthy, Helpful Choice By Rick Warren — Oct 14, 2015 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens …. a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 NIV) Life is tough. Would you agree with that? Since Adam’s sin, the world was broken, and nothing works perfectly. Your body doesn’t work perfectly; the weather doesn’t work perfectly; the economy doesn’t work perfectly; no relationship works perfectly. Life is full of losses. You need to understand a couple of truths that will give you a better perspective as you face the inevitable losses in your life and rise above them. First, God doesn’t expect you to be happy all the time. There is this myth that Christians should be always smiling, always happy, always cheerful, like Pollyanna or Little Orphan Annie. In fact the Bible says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens …. a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 NIV). Sometimes the only appropriate, logical response to life is grief. The Bible says you are to grieve over your losses, including your disappointments, your sin, the suffering in the world, and your friends who are spiritually lost. God doesn’t expect you to be happy all the time. In fact, he wants you to be intentional in your grief. Second, grief is essential to your health. If you never grieve over anything, it means one of three things: You’re out of touch with reality, you’re out of touch with your own emotions, or you don’t love. Because when you love and you see sad things, then that makes you grieve. Grief is a painful emotion, but it’s a healthy and helpful emotion. And it’s God’s gift. It’s the tool that God gives us to get through the transitions of life. Some of you were hurt many years ago growing up. Maybe your parents divorced. Maybe you were abused. Maybe you were hurt by something somebody said about you. But as a child, you didn’t know how to grieve in a healthy way, so you just pushed it down deep inside you. You need to go back and grieve over it. Why? Because if you don’t grieve, you get stuck emotionally, and you spend the rest of your life reacting to something that happened a long time ago and taking it out on the people around you now. It’s unhealthy! David talked about this in Psalm 32:3: “When I kept things to myself, I felt weak deep inside me. I moaned all day long” (NCV). The bad things that happen to you are not your choice. But grief is a choice. You say, “I don’t like feeling sad.” Not everything that’s helpful and healthy feels good. You’ve got to let yourself mourn the losses of life so that you can move on with your life and receive God’s blessing. PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >> Talk It Over What loss have you failed to grieve? How has it affected you physically, emotionally, and spiritually? How do you know when it is time to finish grieving? What does it look like practically to allow others to grieve and support them in their time of loss? Today’s Scripture “He raised us up together with Him...that in the ages to come He might [clearly] show the immeasurable and unsurpassed riches of His grace...” (Ephesians 2:6–7, AMP) SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS Take the Limits Off We serve a God of unlimited grace, favor and blessing! He longs to show you His goodness and pour out His abundance in your life. When God sees you, He sees unlimited possibility. He sees unlimited potential. He sees unlimited resources. It’s God’s grace and favor in your life that enables you to become what He sees. But first, you have to open your heart and take the limits off! How do we limit God? In Mark chapter 6, it says that Jesus could do no mighty works in a particular town because of the unbelief of the people. It works the same way today. We limit God in our thinking with thoughts of doubt and unbelief. We limit God with unforgiveness which closes the door of our hearts. But when you choose to forgive, when you choose thoughts of faith and expectancy, you open the door for God to work in your life. You are giving Him the opportunity to multiply what you have in your hand. Today, choose faith, choose forgiveness, and choose to take the limits off! A Prayer for Today “Father, I choose faith and forgiveness! I choose Your unlimited grace and favor. I choose to believe that You have good things in store for me. You use me for Your glory in Jesus’ name. Amen.”