Long before
we knew anything about DNA, God said that He took the exact genes that He
wanted and put them in a specific order forming our individual DNA molecules.
There is no DNA exactly the same. Read Psalm 139.
When we were
born, certain personality traits were already imbedded in our DNA. There is no
changing the nature of what we really are at our core. Nature vs. nurture has
proven that nurture plays a part in a child’s development; the encouraging,
caring, guiding, equipping, and cultivating which a parent and environment
provides. But there is also a nature part of a child’s development; it’s his or
her individual nature and personality. We can nurture our children and train
and equip them all day long, but there is a natural characteristic to them that
we must accept; their personality with their strengths and their weaknesses
which we should value and appreciate.
It’s a great
feeling of anticipation when your children are born; especially when it’s your
first. You and your spouse try and imagine what the child will grow up to be
like. You might imagine him growing up with the bright outgoing personality
mirroring the mother and the great organizational skills of the father who
wakes up early and gets things done. You imagine she will be a little version
of you and your spouse’s personalities combined. Then, all of the sudden to
your surprise, the new addition to the family is not anything like the two of
you! Not only is getting used to a brand new personality and temperament a
challenge, but when you have multiple children, the complexity grows even
larger!
God formed
our children with a plan and a purpose, and part of fulfilling that is their
unique personality. Part of parenting is simply to unwrap the gift that God has
given us.
When we help
our children see the good of their personality and help them draw out their
strengths, the more confident they become, the greater their self-esteem and
the more likely they will feel special about themselves.
Our
personality types affect all aspects of our life. How we react to stress and
opposition, how we deal with conflict, how we give and receive love, what we
choose as a profession and what our interests are.
It’s not
one-size-fits-all when we parent. As responsible parents, we should do our job
and study what works with our children and take the time to fully observe and
understand them. After all, God has entrusted us with the gift of parenthood.
You don’t
have to have your PhD in parenting to be the best parent. But one way to start
is to value each child for the person they are. Take the time to make them feel
unique and special for who God made them to be.
If you have
more than one child, it doesn’t take long to realize each child’s different
personality and temperament; like a snowflake, each and every child is
different.
Each
child has a different personality and temperament.
• With my children, I have one child
who is an extrovert, talkative and bubbly. I have another who is an introvert;
we have to draw out her thoughts and feelings.
• One child is very creative, another
isn’t.
• I have one child who is always happy
and another child who is melancholic. She feels things deeply.
• One is driven to succeed; one is easy
going and laid back.
• One obeys without any restraint,
another questions everything.
• I have a child that is a natural
leader. She is independent and self-sufficient. I have another child who is a
follower. She is cautious and tentative and wants lots of help.
Each
child has a different set of gifts and talents.
• Growing up, my siblings and I were
good at athletics, but my children have a passion and gift for music.
• I love math and physics, but my son
loves medieval literature.
Not
only is each personality different, but each child has different ways they
receive and express love.
• I have one that crawls up in my lap
and lets me hold her.
• One loves to spend quality time with
me.
• Another gets her emotional love tank
filled up when I buy her gifts.
In
addition — throw in the difference of being a male or female!
• My girls are graceful, proper and
well-behaved.
• My son jumps off the coffee table and
tackles anybody that walks by.
Then, just
when you think you have them figured out, they go through puberty and change
again!
What
does this mean to us as parents?
• We need to appreciate our children
for who God made them to be.
• Try not to change someone that God
said is marvelous.
• It means we can’t parent each child
the same. Although this tends to make it harder on us as parents, we are
raising our children for the glory of God and helping them to be the best
individual they can be.
• It means we can’t compare children.
We can’t say things like, “I wish you were more like your older sister”. That
can really hurt our children’s self
• esteem, emotionally wound them and
stay with them for years.
• It means we can’t play favorites just
because a child is easier or more like us.
• It means our job as parents isn’t to
make our children into who we want them to be, but we have to help them become
who God made them to be.
Our job as parents
is to recognize, accept and appreciate the unique way God has created each
child.
So
tell your children and show them that you love and appreciate them just like
God made them. When you do, it conveys incredible worth and value to them.
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