By: Bob Deffinbaugh
Some may not realize that the traits of a good friend relate to
the character of one’s mate, but a little reflection shows why this must be so.
The breaking of the marriage covenant is a sin against a companion, a close and
intimate friend.
That leaves the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant
of her God (2:17).
The term rendered “companion” here is used elsewhere (cf. 16:28;
17:9; Ps. 55:13) for the closest
of friends.33 If my mate is not a friend, what is
she? And yet some have foolishly chosen to marry one who fails to qualify even
as a friend. We will briefly summarize the qualities of a good friend,
considering also the characteristics of those with whom we should avoid
associating.
1. A GOOD FRIEND IS FAITHFUL. Fair weather friends are numerous,
and Proverbs mentions these (cf. 14:20; 19:4,6,7). But a true friend is a
person who is still there even when the going gets tough.
A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity
(17:17).
A man of many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who
sticks closer than a brother (18:24).
Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do
not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a
neighbor who is near than a brother far away (27:10).
2. A GOOD FRIEND REBUKES US WHEN NECESSARY. There are things
which may need to be said to a friend that are not easy to say. I am
disappointed by the sentimentalism that pervades our friendships so that we
flatter our friends when we need to frankly rebuke them. A true friend is the
one who is honest enough to tell us what we need to hear, rather than to
flatter us.
A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps
(29:5).
Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are
the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (27:5-6).
Why is it, then, that we seem to think that a wife should never
criticize her husband? Is it not better to be corrected by our closest friend
than by an enemy? Sometimes the kindest thing a wife can do for her husband is
to tell him that his idea is absolutely ridiculous--in a gracious way, of
course.
3. A GOOD FRIEND IS THOUGHTFUL AND TACTFUL. A good friend is
sensitive to our needs and speaks in such a way that we are encouraged and
enriched. His sensitivity is demonstrated in his understanding that gaiety and
goodwill is not always appropriate nor appreciated. “It matters not only ‘what’
we say, but ‘how,’ ‘when’ and ‘why’ we say it.”34
Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar
on soda, Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart (25:20).
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the
morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him (27:14).
4. A GOOD FRIEND SHARPENS US. Not only do we need to be
criticized when necessary, but sometimes we need to be probed or stretched in
our thinking. A good friend does not allow us to become intellectually
stagnant, but prods us on to higher and greater thoughts.
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another (27:17).
A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of
understanding draws it out (20:5).
Isn’t this true to life? Don’t you seek to develop friendships
with those who will challenge your thinking and present you with new avenues of
thought? Why should one of these friends not be your mate?
5. A GOOD FRIEND OFFERS US WISE COUNSEL. Those whom we choose as
friends should be marked by wisdom and thus have godly counsel to offer.
Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet
to his friend (27:9).
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