by Dr. John Gray
The Soul is the aspect of who we are that is most
lasting…
The Soul is who you are when you strip away the body,
mind and heart. Your Soul has a potential that takes an entire lifetime to be
fully realized. On the level of the Soul, you are the same throughout of your
life. The person who was a little child is the same person you are now. You are
you all of your life. The Soul is that part of you that doesn’t change. The way
you physically look, the way you feel, and the way you think about things,
however do change.
When the Soul recognizes a mate and simply attracted to
each other physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually…then this love not
only can last but can continue to grow and become richer as the years pass.
This doesn’t mean that everything will flow easily and effortlessly. It simply
means that Love has the potential to last a lifetime.
If we are to find a partner with whom our love and
passion can grow, he or she must be very special --- someone picked out and
recognized by our Soul. It is a decision made in our hearts that sometimes
feels as though it were made in heaven.
How
do you know when someone is right?
When you ask people who know they are with the right
person, they will generally say something like… “Well I don’t exactly know what
to tell you--- you just know.”
When soul mates fall in love there is simply a recognition.
It is as clear and simple as recognizing that the sun is shining today or the
water I am dinking is cool and refreshing or the rock I am holding is solid.
When you are with the right person--- “you just know”.
This knowing is not in any way dependent on a long list of reasons and
qualifications. Soul love is unconditional. When the right person comes
along--- you just know and you spend the rest of your life discovering why he
or she is the right person.
When your heart opens, creating the right condition to
know and you happen to be with the right person… then you ‘just know’ that you
are with the right person.
This knowing who you want to spend your life with… comes
from opening your heart. The closer someone is to being the right person… the
more you will be able to see him or her as worthy of your Love.
Finding
a Soul mate
A Soul mate is someone who has the unique ability to
bring out the best in us. Soul mates are not perfect, but perfect for us. We
are not just physically turned on to them; our Soul gets turned on as well.
Soul chemistry involves physical, emotional, mental and spiritual… Physical
chemistry generates desire. Emotional chemistry generates affection. Mental
chemistry creates interest and Spiritual chemistry creates LOVE. A Soul mate
includes all four.
In choosing a soul mate, it is not a mental decision
based on the pros and cons of a relationship. It is not an emotional decision
based on comparing how a person makes you feel. It is not a physical decision
based on how a person looks, it is much deeper. The experience of real love
does connect us to our Soul. With this connection, we are then able to know
what our Soul wants to do.
Meantime, focus on preparing yourself so that you can
recognize your soul mate when he or she appears instead of searching for your
soul mate. Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not
really looking, when you are ready… your Soul mate will appear.
Soul
mates are not Perfect
Another important insight about Soul mates is that they
are never perfect. They will not have everything on your list of ideal
qualities. They come with baggage. They, like you, have good days and bad days.
They may not look the way you thought they would look; they may have flaws that
you don’t like very much. They are not perfect, but when your heart is open and
you know them, they are somehow perfect for you.
The love you spontaneously feel for a Soul mate is the
foundation for learning to share your life with someone who in many ways is
very different from you. That Love motivates you to cooperate, respect,
appreciate, cherish, and admire that person. In this process, which is not
always easy or comfortable but you become a better person. Thus, your Soul has
a chance to grow too.
Increasing
discernment
The time you spend in any relationship is not a lost if
you learn from it and complete it in a positive way. Each time you follow your heart and then plainly
recognize that someone is right for you, then you are definitely one step
closer to finding the right person for you.
It is wise to first know yourself before trying to share
yourself in a relationship. In our twenties, we are generally getting to know
ourselves as autonomous being separated from and not fully dependent on our
parents. We explore who we are, what we like, what we don’t like, what we can
do, what we need and what we don’t need.
When two people get into relationship before feeling
autonomous, they run the risk of being too dependent on each other for love.
They do not get the opportunity to experience sufficient independence to
discover how they can be fulfilled without having a partner to depend on.
Instead of taking a few more years to fully release their dependence on their
parents and become depended on themselves, they shift from their parents to a
partner for love and support.
By rushing into a relationship, they can miss the
opportunity to discover the inner confidence, self-assuredness and autonomy
necessary to make a relationship work and grow.
When we are not fulfilled through our work and
friendship, then we are attracted to someone who can fill us up rather than
someone we can share with. Instead of coming together to overflow, we come
together primarily to fill-up.
As we become more autonomous and mature, we automatically
begin looking for more in our relationship. With this understanding; it becomes
clear that being fulfilled as a single person is the basis of finding the right
person and being successful in relationship.
How
we express our Soul
The desire to share our lives with someone is the
expression of our Soul. In practical terms, it is our Soul remembering its
highest purpose.
The seed of greatness is our ability to know, speak and
keep our word or the truth. One power is physically to keep our word by doing
what we say we will do. Another power is emotionally to support the people we
care about most. Another power is to uphold and live accordance with what we
believe to be right and just. The highest power is to act, feel and think from
an open heart. When our hearts are open, we are able to act in accordance with
our highest purpose which is to Love.
By making a commitment to fulfill that purpose, we align
ourselves with the power within us to be successful not only in Love but in our
lives as well.
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